In https://lostallhope.com/help-me/ I talk about how everything changes. And some things do. I didn’t stay feeling quite as terrible as in my last blog post. Time was a healer, although V is still there in my head. Comparing every date against her (mostly unfavourably). Hoping she may relent and realise how scared she was and […]

I started this blog at the beginning of March, and at the time it life really did feel like a grind. I was trying so hard at dating and getting nowhere. Could not get a second date for love nor money. Work was quiet. My golf was dire. There was nothing to look forward to. […]

My first festive period single for 8 years. I am not sure I can honestly say I dreaded it any the less then when I was in a relationship. No long Xmas lunch with partner and her family drinking for 10 hours; less presents to buy; no new year’s eve party all massive results! Not […]

I am so sorry to followers of the site. It took me years to sort out putting the site onto a new platform. Before I even could do that the New Zealand government declared it to be a site that broke their laws and asked my web hoster to shut it down. Thank you so […]

So that last post never got posted. And who knows when this one will be. The site had to be re-written in a format where I could post blogs, and my web developer has been otherwise occupied. I needed the site into a new framework, and that felt like too difficult a decision to make. […]

It’s been more than a year since my last post. Someone kindly wrote in to ask if I am still alive (thank you anonymous person). I am – I have just reached new levels of apathy. I am sure many readers of this website will understand the concept of everything just feeling like it is […]

I was speaking to an old friend of mine on the phone last night. Just over a year ago she had no job and was single – really struggling to find or stay in a relationship. A year on she has a boyfriend she really likes and a job she is enjoying. And it was […]

So I have made it through another year. I am not sure if I should feel happy about that or not? Is existing an achievement? My therapist tells me that I expect too much from life. Not everyone can be exceptional and do great things – otherwise exceptional would just become ordinary. She says the […]

It has been eight months still my last blog, which feels like a long time but at least has the advantage of making it easier to reflect on the highs and lows that have happened in that time. I was pretty much ready to move job – indeed, thought I was going to get an […]

I am writing this almost exactly a year after a I wrote a document “Things to do in my last year of life”. I  extended the three day rule I talk about in Help me to one year. I only had four things on that list. Get my company on an even footing so it […]