My first festive period single for 8 years. I am not sure I can honestly say I dreaded it any the less then when I was in a relationship. No long Xmas lunch with partner and her family drinking for 10 hours; less presents to buy; no new year’s eve party all massive results! Not […]

I am so sorry to followers of the site. It took me years to sort out putting the site onto a new platform. Before I even could do that the New Zealand government declared it to be a site that broke their laws and asked my web hoster to shut it down. Thank you so […]

So that last post never got posted. And who knows when this one will be. The site had to be re-written in a format where I could post blogs, and my web developer has been otherwise occupied. I needed the site into a new framework, and that felt like too difficult a decision to make. […]

It’s been more than a year since my last post. Someone kindly wrote in to ask if I am still alive (thank you anonymous person). I am – I have just reached new levels of apathy. I am sure many readers of this website will understand the concept of everything just feeling like it is […]

I was speaking to an old friend of mine on the phone last night. Just over a year ago she had no job and was single – really struggling to find or stay in a relationship. A year on she has a boyfriend she really likes and a job she is enjoying. And it was […]

So I have made it through another year. I am not sure if I should feel happy about that or not? Is existing an achievement? My therapist tells me that I expect too much from life. Not everyone can be exceptional and do great things – otherwise exceptional would just become ordinary. She says the […]

It has been eight months still my last blog, which feels like a long time but at least has the advantage of making it easier to reflect on the highs and lows that have happened in that time. I was pretty much ready to move job – indeed, thought I was going to get an […]

I am writing this almost exactly a year after a I wrote a document “Things to do in my last year of life”. I  extended the three day rule I talk about in Help me to one year. I only had four things on that list. Get my company on an even footing so it […]

Ever been handed something valuable and it just slipped out your hands onto the floor? I have been thinking more and more lately that the summer feels like one of those things, that somehow I can’t hold on to without juggling it, but it turns to sand and I am trying not to let the […]

I am ashamed of who I am. Yes, no question about it. I am deeply ashamed that with a relatively good set of life circumstances, I spent the best part of four months wishing I was not alive. And really, I didn’t want to be alive. Something seemed to stop me putting the thought into action, although […]