How the months seem to fly by in between blogs. At the end of every summer it always feels like the days have slipped through my fingertips like sand. In the old days, I used to look forward to the summer. I used to play summer sports, and it always felt like the summers were […]

In https://lostallhope.com/help-me/ I talk about how everything changes. And some things do. I didn’t stay feeling quite as terrible as in my last blog post. Time was a healer, although V is still there in my head. Comparing every date against her (mostly unfavourably). Hoping she may relent and realise how scared she was and […]

I started this blog at the beginning of March, and at the time it life really did feel like a grind. I was trying so hard at dating and getting nowhere. Could not get a second date for love nor money. Work was quiet. My golf was dire. There was nothing to look forward to. […]

My first festive period single for 8 years. I am not sure I can honestly say I dreaded it any the less then when I was in a relationship. No long Xmas lunch with partner and her family drinking for 10 hours; less presents to buy; no new year’s eve party all massive results! Not […]

I am so sorry to followers of the site. It took me years to sort out putting the site onto a new platform. Before I even could do that the New Zealand government declared it to be a site that broke their laws and asked my web hoster to shut it down. Thank you so […]

So that last post never got posted. And who knows when this one will be. The site had to be re-written in a format where I could post blogs, and my web developer has been otherwise occupied. I needed the site into a new framework, and that felt like too difficult a decision to make. […]

It’s been more than a year since my last post. Someone kindly wrote in to ask if I am still alive (thank you anonymous person). I am – I have just reached new levels of apathy. I am sure many readers of this website will understand the concept of everything just feeling like it is […]

I was speaking to an old friend of mine on the phone last night. Just over a year ago she had no job and was single – really struggling to find or stay in a relationship. A year on she has a boyfriend she really likes and a job she is enjoying. And it was […]

So I have made it through another year. I am not sure if I should feel happy about that or not? Is existing an achievement? My therapist tells me that I expect too much from life. Not everyone can be exceptional and do great things – otherwise exceptional would just become ordinary. She says the […]

It has been eight months still my last blog, which feels like a long time but at least has the advantage of making it easier to reflect on the highs and lows that have happened in that time. I was pretty much ready to move job – indeed, thought I was going to get an […]