Jan ’17 update

It has been eight months still my last blog, which feels like a long time but at least has the advantage of making it easier to reflect on the highs and lows that have happened in that time. I was pretty much ready to move job – indeed, thought I was going to get an […]

Jan 16 – All change

I am writing this almost exactly a year after a I wrote a document “Things to do in my last year of life”. I  extended the three day rule I talk about in Help me to one year. I only had four things on that list. Get my company on an even footing so it […]

Aug 15 – Sand slipping through fingers

Ever been handed something valuable and it just slipped out your hands onto the floor? I have been thinking more and more lately that the summer feels like one of those things, that somehow I can’t hold on to without juggling it, but it turns to sand and I am trying not to let the […]

April 15 – Shame

I am ashamed of who I am. Yes, no question about it. I am deeply ashamed that with a relatively good set of life circumstances, I spent the best part of four months wishing I was not alive. And really, I didn’t want to be alive. Something seemed to stop me putting the thought into action, although […]

Dec 14 update

This has been one of the harder updates on “my story” I have had to write. In fact, I positively don’t want to write it. I don’t want to admit to the millions that come on to this site that I am not a happy, well-adjusted person by now. I feel I have to stand as a […]

UK assisted dying legislation

I thought I would post some links to recent articles about a proposed change to the law in the UK which would allow doctors to prescribe a lethal dose to terminally ill patients judged to have less than six months to live. The changes were debated in the UK House of Lords, and provoked a […]

Sept 2014: In pursuit of happiness

This is the third try at starting to write this post. You see, some people write on their feedback surveys that the site is a disgrace. Some write that it is useless as it does not give enough info. Some say it is great. Some say my story is inspiring. So how to write a […]

December 2013 update

So I sit here, alone in my home on Christmas Day 2013, and I already have tears in my eyes writing an update for the last 12 months. Running this site makes me very emotional. It touches me that so many people in dark and desperate places find their way to LostAllHope. It saddens me […]

December 2012 update

People say they find my story inspiring, and so I thought it best to keep updating it to show that life goes on. Since my last update in April 2012, my mother passed away after a brave but ultimately tough-to-watch fight against cancer. My father died 18 months before that. That was coupled with one […]

April 2012 update

I am often surprised at the number of people who write in having read my story and saying it gave them hope, or inspired them to try live through the dark place they are in. My life does not feel that special. But it does feel very different to how I felt in my dark […]